literature

Death

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Bai-Rui's avatar
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Literature Text

When people cross my path, they usually avoid my gaze… silently pretend I'm not there.  In truth, it doesn't bother me.  I remind most of the imminent fate we all share, and when I was young I too did all in my power to push such reminders out of my consciousness.  Now that I'm hospitalized, the gazes I do catch in my direction are full of sympathy.  Its as if everyone can see the giant clock ticking away over my head.  Two minutes to midnight, but I feel like its hours.  This body has been well worn over the years, and is quite useless now.  Compared to this waiting, I'm sure death will be a welcome release.

Children especially seem quite captivated by my state.  I catch them staring and they promptly blush, turn, and run after their mother.  But again, I don't mind.  They probably think I've always been this old, this wrinkly.  To be young again… I don't know if I could do it.  So much joy, yet so much heartbreak…

I'm so tired.  So exhausted.  

Considering my past, I feel strangely at peace today.  Most days I avoid thoughts of my younger years, the guilt is overwhelming.  I'm sure I would have lived another 10 years if I hadn't carried it with me, letting it drag my every step and whisper into my every thought.  That and those god damned cigarettes.  Oh, but if I could only have one more…

Its dark outside now; I must have drifted off.  What is that piercing noise? A dial tone?  But its so shrill…

Faces all around, masked faces.  Its strange, my pain is lessening.  Ha, they must have given me more meds.  I want to tell everyone I'm okay, but my hands… so heavy.

His face looks so familiar.  Could it be-?  But the accident was 40 years ago… Dan… He's helping me out of the hospital bed, thank god.  It was suffocating.

I'm yelling at the doctors, but why aren't they listening to me?  They just keep working over my bed in the corner.  But I'm not over there, I'm-

"Rachel."

I turn to the familiar face.  That voice…  Its him, its Dan.  I want to tell him I'm sorry, I want to scream and cry and fall into his arms.  I want to kiss him.  I want to feel him.

Instead he takes my hand and smiles.  Looking down at my hand, the wrinkles are gone.  He's leading me from the room now.

I want to take one last look at the bed.  The doctors are still huddled around but all is silent.  I want to tell them its okay, that they can leave to take care of others in need now, but they aren't listening.  Can't hear me.

Dan pulls my hand gently.  He is so warm, almost glowing.  I know he forgives me, forgives me for what I said.

I smile, and he leads me into the light.
Its not as emo as the first sentence sounds I promise!

Haha.

Don't know if I like it or not yet so I thought I'd let yall decide.
© 2010 - 2024 Bai-Rui
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demonwings737's avatar
Very nice. Lovely and tragic but blissfully real. Love this :heart: